Saudade

It has been four years since I have not seen you.  It has been four years since I have not felt you.  Today, it has been four years since I left you…  It has been four years since I left you for him.

I reminisce about all the moments we spent together, and I cannot avoid smiling.  I feel happiness with the simple thought of you; yet, sadness overwhelms me due to your absence.  Memories of the past invade my mind. I remember how much I would long for you every morning as soon as I opened my eyes.  How many are the hours we spent together?  Time next to you would just fly away, while the day unnoticeably turned into night.  I would stare at you for hours and not for a moment did it feel tedious.  I miss listening to you.  You were music and a treat to my ears.  I could listen to you for days.  I never got bored with you.  I never got bored of you.

I am attracted to you.  You are indescribably alluring.  You had a calming effect on me, even though I felt excitement when I was by your side.  You are mesmerizing.  You had the ability to make me speechless, in spite of the fact that I have never been one to be short of words.  I love your scent.  It traveled with the fresh breeze into my soul and lightened up my senses.  I miss feeling you on my skin – soaking into every single pore.  I remember how you would gently caress my body, and the way you played with my hair.  Sometimes you gave me goose bumps.  You made me feel good.  Your embraces made me float.

It has been four years since I have not seen you.  It has been four years since I have not felt you.  Today, it has been four years since I left you.  It has been four years since I left you for him.

I met someone. The thoughts of him began to invade my mind as soon as I opened my eyes every morning.  Time with him just flew away, while the night unnoticeably turned into day.  I could stare into his eyes for hours without getting bored.  I fell in love.

I like listening to him.  I can listen to him for days without getting bored.  I am attracted to him.  He is indescribably handsome.  He has a calming effect on me, although I feel excited when I am with him.  He is fascinating.  I love his perfume.  It finds its way into my spirit and lightens up my senses.  He makes me feel happy, but yet at times he makes me feel sad.  I love him.

It has been four years since I have not seen you or felt you.  I decided to leave you in order to be with him.  I walked away without looking back.  I left without saying goodbye.  I was looking forward and I did not stop and think about what I was leaving behind.  I was exited about what was waiting for me in the future that I neglected my past.  I apologize.

Despite the years and the distance, you have been present all along the way.  I have carried you with me in every thought, every memory, and every dream.  Not a single day has gone by without missing you.  I have longed for you ever since I left you.

Today, it has been four years since I left you.  It has been four years since I left you for him.  I love him, but I have not forgotten you.  I look forward to the day we see each other again.

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4 thoughts on “Saudade

    1. Thank you for reaching out. Memories are formidable! I have not been back home since I moved 4 years ago, and I miss the Ocean. At least I know I will be able to go back eventually , but until then my nostalgia is increasing.
      Of course! I don’t believe in coincidences; hence, I am sure your thoughts will be inspiring and meaningful.

      Liked by 1 person

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